The Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."